Hiraeth
by Sageclaw
Summary: Life before Westerburg wasn't any better for Jason Dean. His trials and tribulations were never explored at a deeper level, however. What was his life like? What lead up to his mother's suicide? What's up with the slushie addiction? (Prequel to the Heathers). (Includes homophobia, minor sexual references and other not nice stuff. Doesn't reflect my views).
1. May 8th, 1979 - May 9th, 1979

**Hello, everyone. I hope you enjoy this fanfic. Note: This is kind of a prequel for my fanfic "Chaos Is What Killed The Dinosaurs", so there's going to be parallels.**

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 _May 8th, 1979_

I had moved plenty of times in his life. Mama explained that I never stayed in one place on the east cost - I had lived everywhere from my birthplace Charlotte, North Carolina to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

She found it odd that Dad had managed to stay in Philadelphia for almost three years. I did too.

Until one Tuesday afternoon after a playdate with Micah and Thomas ended. They mumbled goodbyes, and the house was silent - spare the creaky floorboards and the ticking of a clock.

Mama was the only one home, and she was using the typewriter. Best not to disturb her - I had learnt that a long time ago.

It was almost bedtime and Dad still wasn't home. I was growing worried; he had always returned around five thirty.

"Did Dad tell you when he was coming home?"

Mama was in the doorway now, her posture weary and eyes bemused.

"Did he tell you?" I responded, turning my head towards her.

"No," Mama sighed. "I'm guessing you don't know either."

I nodded.

She ambled towards me and sat on the couch. She twiddled her hair. "Did I ever tell you what I've been working on?"

"I don't think so."

Mama smiled, glancing out into the window before looking back at me. "It's a book. I've been working on it since 75' - I haven't had much time to work on it, though, with you and Bud."

"Is it about me?"

She laughed, shaking her head. "No, honey," she reached over for the stack of papers beside her. "It's about grownups. Maybe I'll read it to you when you get older."

Mama hugged me, resting her chin on my head. Dark tendrils of her hair spilled on my face, blocking my vision. She stopped squeezing me when the door crashed open. I blinked wildly, revealing the figure of Big Bud Dean.

"Clara, can I talk to you in my office?" he grumbled, keeping his line of vision everywhere but me. "Alone?"

She nodded briskly, sauntering to his side. She grinned at me one last time before disappearing behind the old white door.

 _May 9th, 1979_

"We're moving?"

Mama sighed, nodding. "I'm not surprised. Bud's drained Philadelphia weeks ago."

"But," I protested, stammering. "I actually made friends! Real friends!"

She squeezed me, rubbing my temples. "You've got Jay."

I pulled away, stepping back. "Jay's a stupid house plant!"

"Jason," she sighed. "You know the drill by now. Why did you think we could stay in Philadelphia any longer?"

"I don't know - I thought that Dad liked it here. That he liked it so much that he would let us stay."

She frowned, her hazel gaze forlorn. "We all like it here. Do you remember when we left King William, Virginia? How you were so sad that you had to leave Anthony, Micheal and Laura behind?"

I sniffed, tears splattering my cheeks. "Yeah?"

"I had friends too. When I left them behind, I was very sad. Well, when you moved here, you made so many new friends. I did too. Remember that nice lady that came over last week?"

"Mrs. Clayton?"

"Yes. I love her so much, and I'm going to miss her. But, I can't wait to make new friends in Belgrade."

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 **Thanks for reading! After this, chapter's are going to be much longer. His life seems fine now, but it'll turn awful soon.**


	2. May 9th, 1979 - May 10th, 1979

**Hello, everyone. I've got another chapter for you, and I hope you enjoy :)**

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 **May 9th, 1979**

Many families take days to pack all of their stuff. But the Deans? A day or two. Almost everything I owned - besides a few board games and my houseplant - fits into a small suitcase.

I was able to phone Micah and Thomas before I started packing, however.

Their mother picked up first. I swallowed a lump in my throat as soon as I heard her voice.

That voice had been a second mother to me - embraced every second I visited her sons, comforted me when Dad hit Mama, and laughed at every joke I uttered. The voice I'd never hear again after the move.

Her dulcet tones echoed across the living room, nearly soothing my heartache. She called the brothers to the phone a thirty or so seconds later.

"What's up?" Micah asked, clearly impatient. He was probably in the middle of a _The Jetsons_ binge watch.

I fidgeted with the phone cord, hesitating.

"Thomas is there, right?"

"Yeah..." he droned.

"I won't be at school tomorrow," I explained. "I'm, uh, moving."

I could hear the pair wrestling with the phone. Thomas had grabbed it for a split second, screeching, "What? Why didn't you tell us?"

"My mom just told me. We had no idea until Dad made a business call yesterday."

"Please don't leave," Micah begged. "You're our best friend."

"I have to," I asserted. "Dad says that our situation is better if we stick together."

"Jason -"

"I have to!" I yelled. Cringing at the harshness of my voice, I kicked the air, and lowered my tone tremendously. I breathed faster and faster to stop the teardrops bubbling in my eyes. "I wish that I could stay, guys. I really do."

Silence fizzed on the line.

"How far is it?" Micah grumbled.

"How far is what?" I asked.

"You know - how far away are you moving?" Thomas blurted, growing agitated.

"Some place called Belgrade. My mom said it was out of state," I clarified, glancing at the clock. I really needed to start packing if I wanted more than an hour of sleep.

"You'll call us when you get there, right?" Micah squeaked, his voice brittle and croaky.

"Of course," I assured them, smiling faintly. Even though I was abandoning them to move into some mysterious, far off place, they somehow found the strength to try to keep in contact. They really were my friends.

The friends I would leave behind. For years. Maybe I wouldn't even return - why would we? The whole of America was waiting. Waiting for Big Bud Dean to bring every state to a higher state.

Just as Thomas was about to ask something, I hung up. It didn't matter what he'd say - I would leave anyway.

Bursting into tears, I rushed outside, sitting on the steps. I dug my head into my arms, blocking out the street's grunts and screeches with my own sobbing.

 **May 10th, 1979**

"We're leaving," Mama cried out, leaning towards my hallway. I scrambled towards the door, zipping up my jacket and grabbing the suitcase that sat outside my bedroom.

We sinked into grimy shoes. She flicked off the light switches, brushed the mudroom's walls, and grabbed her keys.

The sun creeped out of the spaces between skyscrapers, lighting the barren street. I stepped outside, gripping my suitcase in one hand, and Mama's hand in the other. I shivered, watching as my breath furled out into the air. "Ready to go?" Mama whispered, staring at the cars lumbering by.

I glanced back at the familiar brick stairway for almost a full minute. "Yes," I breathed.

Plopping in the backseat, I stuffed my suitcase by my side. Almost as soon as Mama closed the door, Dad sped off.

I frowned, looking at the scraps of paper that Thomas and Micah had given me. They stopped by a few minutes before we left, leaving the crisp white notes in my care. It has inscribed their phone numbers and almost the entire street's, alongside good luck messages. Thomas had even drew him a picture of them playing in Fairmount Park, accompanied by a smiling sun and colorful flowers.

Mama and I turned towards the back, watching as our street drifted away into the haze. The scents of rain and fresh paint faded, replaced with the smell of cigarette smoke. I held the scraps tighter, clinging to the last shred of my old home.

We past Thomas and Micah's block a few minutes later. The pair, however, were nowhere to be seen. I had hoped to see them one last time, another moment to memorize Thomas's curls and Micah's chestnut eyes.

I knew where they were - trudging to school. But some part of me believed that they stuck out for me, risked to be late.

I sunk back into my seat, closing my eyes. Why would they? School was more important than friends. I knew that. All my disappearance meant was the loss of a potential playmate, nothing more. They had Micheal, Sarah, Christine, Joshua, Ronald - even Douglas to play with. The whole school minus a single student.

Mama lit up her cigarette, dangling it in her frail fingers. "Goodbye Pennsylvania, hello Maine."

o00o

We spent the remainder of the morning driving nonstop. By the afternoon we were out of Pennsylvania and heading towards New York.

Mama fidgeted with the radio, flicking through the endless radio stations. She settled on a radio talk show, listening to the modulated voices. Between the declarations and venting, Mama expressed her opinion as if she was sitting next to them. Dad was silence and only focused on driving.

"When will we stop?" I asked. I winced as Dad grunted and gripped the steering wheel tighter. "I'm getting hungry."

Dad screwed up his face, glancing at Mama. They engaged in a mental conversation as cars thundered onto the upcoming bridge. Dad closed his eyes, sighing. "I'll pull into the next town and we'll check in a motel."

I shifted closer into my seat, glancing out the window. From what I could see, that would be in a long time. For now, I was stuck in a cramped car with the only entertainment being books I've read billions of times.

What a pleasant reality I lived in.

o00o

The motel we stayed at, contrary to the fellow motels it sat by, wasn't all that bad. It was nicely furnished and didn't stink of mold or hold mysterious stains on the carpet. Even the air almost seemed fresh.

All it lacked was a nice view. Instead of a mountain or ocean vista, I could see a wide scope of the busy highway.

Taking Jay - the spider plant that stayed by my side no matter what I did or where we went - to bask on a table, I rushed back outside and grabbed my suitcase.

I laid my suitcase by the bedside table and jumped onto the queen sized bed. I giggled as Mama fell onto the thick blankets alongside me, listening as she sighed in relief.

Dad headed out for a extra trip to a convenience store, and Mama turned on the tv. She beckoned me over, grinning widely. I looked over at the bright letters displayed on the screen. _Family Feud_. The host reflected Mama's expression, pleasant and inviting.

I leaned against her, watching the screen. Her snorting and laughing blocked most of the sound.

"Who do you think is gonna win, Jason? The Walkers or the Lawrences?"

Narrowing my eyes at the screen, I noted the answers of each member of the families. "The Lawrences," I concluded. "They have better answers."

"You're probably right," Mama sighed, her hazel eyes glistening from the tv's light. "The Lawrences are clearly the winners. Even though they seem like the most unlikable, shallow people..."

"Like Dad?"

She almost snickered, but stopped in her tracks. "Jason, you shouldn't say something like that about your father. He's a good man."

I furrowed my brows. If there was one flaw about Mama, she was a compulsive yet terrible liar.

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 **Thanks for reading!**

 **Looks like JD has left his friends behind, poor little guy :( Do you think he'll make new friends in Belgrade? Will he keep in touch with Thomas and Micah in the first place?**

 **By the way...I've got an ask blog on Tumblr now that has elements from this and characters from "Chaos is What Killed the Dinosaurs"... So, if you'd like to drop by and ask a question, that'd be lovely. Here's the link (remove spaces):**

 **askroleswappedjdandveronica. tumblr . com**

 _Responses to Reviews (Also - it's amazing to say that on the second chapter. I expected one review at the most...)_

Cole: Thanks!

SweetRiceball20: As this chapter states, Maine. It seems like a lovely town, from what I've read. I'm also excited to see where this'll lead :)

 **I hope you have a wonderful day.**


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